When I feel in any way unbalanced, specially emotionally, I always notice that it has to do with me being out of integrity with myself. Usually, it appears to be someone else’s fault, but I’ve leaned to recognized that the bad feelings of annoyance, sadness, upset, fearful or any other low frequency feeling is actually caused inside of me.
I see Integrity composed of 4 pillars:
Mind: What I think
Heart: What I feel.
Word: What I say.
Action: What I do.
I am in Integrity when all four are aligned and under the same intention, when one of them or more are pointing to different directions then I am out of integrity.
Can you relate to this?… In this video I share more about the habit of doing an Integrity Check-up regularly as a mean to become more balanced and a beneficial presence for others.
So here is a good example:
A friend calls you on a Friday night and ask if you could help out with his move tomorrow Saturday since another friend backed out last minute. You have no plans for Saturday, but you had planned to rest because it’s the only resting day that you have in a long season of working extra hours and seven days a week.
Intention: Staying comfortable (By default)
Mind: I think I deserve to rest. My friend should have given me more notice. –> Stay
Heart: I care for my friend. –> Go
Word: I say I have a commitment, not sure for how long I can help. I will let you know tomorrow –> Stay and Go
Action: I end up staying, I call to say I can’t go. I rest for the rest of the day. –> Stay
How would the pillars look in integrity and aligned on this example? Integrity doesn’t mean you will do something without feeling it. What it means is that there is an underlaying intention that empowers each 4 pillars.
Ask. Who do I want to be now? look for higher frequency qualities (derived from love) and practice embodying it. Here is where I practice meditation, so I can connect with the quality that my higher self is trying to voice. Is it Loving? generous? humble? flexible? at service?
Intention: Generous (consciously chosen)
Mind: I will give myself the time to rest (generous with yourself). I will find someone that can help my friend (generous with him). –> Stay
Heart: I care and love myself. I care and love my friend. I empathized with him. –> Stay
Word: I say I am going to rest tomorrow, and I will make sure you get a worker that will show up tomorrow to help. –> Stay
Action: I call and hire a helper to show up tomorrow my your friend. I call my friend at the end of the day to see how it went. I stayed in –> Stay
The challenging part of being in Integrity is that it always involve letting go of your ego:
Saying I am sorry and apologizing: Specially when the incident is small (we think that because is not that big of a deal no one notices) and it’s tempting to just let it go and let time help us forget. Emotions, however are time travelers and although they seem forgotten the will come back until they are healed. Ego says: Oh well is not a big deal, You’ll do better next time. Plus I’m sure she (he) already forgot about it.
Saying the truth: Specially when we know it can hurt someone else. What we forget is that saying the truth is far more an act of love than doing things when we don’t really want to do them. Is much more respectful to say: I’m confused therefore I need time alone, than just keeping someone company while feeling the need to be alone. Truth is love, ignoring our needs, so others (including our family) can feel a temporarily satisfaction isn’t truthful, honorable, honest, real or loving. Ego says: You are so egotistic, you only think of yourself. Can you sacrifice once at least! he (she) has done so much for you.
Noticing my real intentions: And re-choosing a new one. Recognizing that if I’m feeling unbalanced is because my intention is not coming from love. It’s usually coming from fear and/or “wanting to be right”. The thing is usually this default intention dresses up as nice and loving. The ego is so tricky. Ego says: This is good, at least you showed up for 2 hours, you don’t want to be the bad friend that everyone will talk about.
I have to say, this is not an easy task and sometimes figuring out my intentions is very confusing. And even when I feel confuse there is an option for being in integrity. Saying I’m confuse is the first step.
How do you stay in integrity with yourself? Do you have a story that relates to this subject? I would love to hear your feedback. What we share can be medicine for someone else and for sure a step closer to a stronger vida!